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Via Wikipedia: An open relationship denotes a relationship (usually between two people) in which participants are free to take other partners; if the couple making this agreement are married, it is an open marriage. The “open” in “open relationship” usually refers to the sexual aspect of a non-closed relationship, whereas “polyamory” refers to the extension of a relationship by allowing bonds to form (which may be sexual or otherwise) as additional long term relationships.
I’ve heard and read many arguments that support ‘open relationships’ that have ranged from “American’s put more stress on monogamous relationships than any other country” – to “humans are the only ones who practice monogamy”.
It’s difficult for me to present any argument at all outside of my own beliefs and convictions where marriage and relationships are concerned.
Personally I believe in monogamy wholeheartedly. I enjoy the emotional bond between myself and my partner and feel it’s somewhat a sacred ground that should not be tread upon by anyone wishing to do harm or interfere.
However, for the sake of discussion, I am interested in hearing the thoughts of others on this topic.
Do you believe too much emphasis is placed on emotional attachment?
Do you believe people can love one person while having sexual relations with others with whom they don’t share a love type bond?
Do you believe men are more likely to desire open relationships but refrain out of sense of obligation?
What about women? Same argument?
This is one of those topics I’ve always found interesting to discuss simply because I find the way the human mind works and justifies different positions as such to be utterly fascinating.
What are your thoughts? Do tell.
Tags: open relationships, monogamous, monogamy, sexual relations, threesome, swingers
It’s an individual choice obviously, but if an open-relationship is what you want then please make sure to have safe-sex. I don’t know what my own opinion of this is. Perhaps relationships would last longer if they were open. Maybe putting so much emphasis on a closed relationship is what causes so much stress and drama between couples. The more stress-free option would be to let loose wouldn’t it? But then again, you’d miss out on that amazing bond that you can only get between two people. I personally cherish such a bond. There are many healthy monogomous relationships out there. I think it might be even unhealthier to be in a polygamous/open relationship because jealousy occurs and fighting for attention from the most popular person may occur etc. Plus nobody in a relationship wants to sleep alone very often while their partner is with someone else. So really when we think about it, it might be even more stressful to be in an open relationship or a polygamous one.
im sry but i have been in an open relatiton ship for 9 years and its amazing so u can talk but u have to b up for it
I once dated a woman who, after a fashion, revealed to me that she had been a part-time swinger (though she refused to take on that moniker herself because as she put it “we never swapped – all swingers swap partners…we just did threesomes, same-room sex…phone sex, polaroids…that sort of thing”). Nevertheless, she had a taste for the wild, and the many (over 125 men and 10 women in all, five of the 10 being regulars on and off with her ex bf, and one was even one of her oldest friends).
I found out about this after we had been dating for a few years’ time, and worse, had fallen in love – I felt deep resentment (I don’t believe in casual sex and have had only 11 partners in my 49 years on the planet) as it felt to me as though despite knowing my values, she concocted a very different image of who she really was. They say people change, and I believe they do, but only incrementally; deep down, she was and still is as corrupt as she was when being so promiscuous. Basically, that she presented herself as anything but promiscuous made me feel that if she lied about that…what else would she lie about?, and could she be trusted. Yes, I know, she was afraid to tell me for fear of what I would think, but the truth is, I can’t respect someone who has such a casual (and unhealthy) attitude toward sex.
Sadly, she once told me…when trying to explain what motivated her to do those things, that she only did it for him (that explains the swinging, but not the 125+ partners…or does it?). It was a mess – at once she’d say “it was new and exciting” and in the next sentence say “that was a very dark period of my life and I have a lot of shame and regret about those days”. All in all, a very mixed up woman who sought approval and intimacy, or what she thought it was, by doing whatever she thought the otehr person wanted of her.
However, she did say to me that based on her experience, she would never go back to that lifestyle, and that it was her belief (she’s now a practicing M.D. and a clinical psychiatrist…go figure) that based on the people that she met in those days, nearly all got into it because they were ‘emotionally damaged and in some cases, broken’ people. It turns out that indeed, even in her case, this was part of the reason (some very bad things happened to her during adolescence).
So, it’s my opinion that most who engage in swinging etc do so because they have severe trust and intimacy issues (or have learned from their abusers that inappropriate sexual behavior is a way to get approval), and therefore, can never be emotionally intimate; they choose frequent and no-strings-attached sex as a means to establish intimacy / fill a void, but truthfully, if you are healthy, an open lifestyle will hold little appeal; it’s the trust and love for the otehr that are central to any healthy relationship. That may sound like I am passing judgment, but frankly, this is nothing more than my opinion…but I think I am right.
My guess is this…most (no, not all) people in open / swinging relationships have some major issues with traumas (abuse etc) in their formative years that left a deep and profound mark on their psyches. It’s kind of like people who grew up in alcoholic households – they swear they’ll never end up with an alcoholic spouse / partner, yet they often end up with them, because that’s the pattern that they know.
I truly believe that people who are treasured, raised with self-respect, principals, and morals have a compass that is strong enough to know that open relationships and the like are emotionally unhealthy practices, and thus steer clear of them. Indee, we may all fantasize about such things from time to time, but very few of us act on those urges, and of those that do, most don’t act on them more than once. For those who continue the pattern however, I think the die’s been cast, and they are falling into patterns and roles defined by abusive periods in their lives.
I do think it´s a very American thing to place so much emphasis on an emotional bond when it comes to sex.
I know several very long and happy marriages where the couple goes to swingersparties, have threesomes etc. And certainly not just because the man wants to. Women have a sexdrive as well you know, many times stronger then the man´s.
The ironic thing is that these couples have an even higher emphasis on the emotional bond between them because thát is the determining factor of their faith and loyalty. Not a claim on the others body.
I have always thought of serial monogamy as being a very healthy thing. A le wikipedia,
“Serial monogamy is characterized by a series of long- or short-term, exclusive sexual relationships entered into consecutively over the lifespan.”
It is my experience and observation that relationships tend to deteriorate as time passes on.
1494 days ago
[...] From “Dating Dames,” Are open relationships healthy? [...]
I’ve seen plenty of relationships that work when it’s a open relationship. Personally, I prefer not to have one.
I can see your points. I can’t imagine them ever working, but apparently there are some that do.
I have to think there may be stronger issues beneath the surface of those who believe they are the answer though.
I used to think open relationships were better – but they don’t really work out that well do they? Not in my experience anyhow. I think you get smarter as you get older and realize being with one person can be fun too. Plus now-a-days open relationships are so dangerous. Too many germs.
1555 days ago
[...] Dames ask “Are open relationships healthy?” Oh hell [...]
In a happy marriage there should be no desire for an ‘open’ marriage. I have never seen any stats to show that ‘open’ marriages survive. That would be interesting to see.