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The Barna Group, a research organization focusing on the state of faith and spirituality in the United States, released new statistics on marriage and divorce today. A couple highlights:
- 4 in 5 of us will be married at least once
- 1 in 3 will be divorced at least once
Here’s an interesting comment by George Barna, director of the study:
“There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce; it is now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage,” the researcher indicated. “Interviews with young adults suggest that they want their initial marriage to last, but are not particularly optimistic about that possibility. There is also evidence that many young people are moving toward embracing the idea of serial marriage, in which a person gets married two or three times, seeking a different partner for each phase of their adult life.”
What do you think of these statistics? Do agree that many see divorce as “unavoidable” or even as part of a natural progression through adult life?
Hi Cory,
Shocking statistics but at the same time I’m not surprised. These days I think people go into marrage with the view of if it doesn’t work out then so be it.
The sad thing is this type of attitude is becoming socially accepted too.
I do agree with the study. Young people don’t really understand what marriage really means and the commitment that it takes for marriage to work. Now a days it’s like there is no self control and then today there is a marriage and tomarrow there is’nt one. I’ve been married for fourteen years to the same person and it takes lots of understanding and work to be successful in a marriage. I also have an eighteen year old stepson and a twelve year old daughter. It is not easy. But I remember that my parents were married for thirty five years and if they were able to do it then I can. If both people in the relationship want to stay with each other for the long term then they will.
I hope the serial devorce women out there die old , lonley and alone. After they live to be 100. Perhaps then they will see the value in having a man around. After they reach 40 there odds of finding a person to truly love them goes down to almost nothing.
Marye Audet wrote, “If you think she is the one you will regret not marrying her for the rest of your life..however if you are to immature to commit, if you want toput yourself and your ambitions first then please don;t ruin her life with your spoiled immaturity.”
Oh. God. Please. Did it ever occur to you perhaps that some people are mature enough to know they shouldn’t take on commitments they are not ready for yet…? Marriage only makes sense if each person marries the perfect person for them at the correct time for both of them.
Most people get married for all the wrong reasons. Because they want to get out of their Parent’s home. Because they want to have kids. Because all their friends are doing it. Because it is the ‘adult’ thing to do. Because they can’t wait any longer to have sex. Because everyone else expects them to.
Guess what? When your kids are gone, when your friends are gone, when your Parents are out of the way, when you realize other people’s opinions don’t matter anyway, when you no longer have sex drive, when ‘maturity’ is better defined as ‘old age’… all you have left is each other. Yes, roommates. If that isn’t enough to start a marriage it won’t be enough to keep one going.
Not realizing and accepting these facts leads to resentment, abuse, infidelity, separation, divorce, serial marriage, blended families and all the other situations you apparently despise. It is immature to ignore those realities and blindly march into a marriage due to pressure from outside sources. There is nothing selfish or immature about making a commitment to insure you are ready, willing and able to form a marital bond without regret or limitation.
Met the love of your life? Congratulations! This is a person who knows what your hopes and dreams are and will applaud you for your efforts to achieve them. This is a person who will help you achieve your goals without either pushing or pulling you in another direction. This is a person whom you will in turn be grateful to reciprocate with identical support in all their endeavors. This is a person who will still be there for you at 30. This is a person who will still be there for you at 100. They will be there for you because they love you too.
Toyoniya Hiyaku, Noromuoy!
Red Ronin, The Cybernetic Samurai
Rose, is there a serious difference between a divorce after 5 years of marriage or breaking up after 5 years of living together? Other than the lawyer the damage is the same
I have always been somewhat fearful of getting married myself. I have a boyfriend that I love. We have been together for almost 2 years. Not a lot in the scheme of things, but then again we are partners. He treats me as an equal. I’ve been beginning to consider it lately but with the divorce rate so high, I seriously wonder how good my odds are. :(
Robert…first of all, noone is perfect. Eventually any woman you choose with do something that irritates the crap out of you. If you think she is the one you will regret not marrying her for the rest of your life..however if you are to immature to commit, if you want toput yourself and your ambitions first then please don;t ruin her life with your spoiled immaturity. Get used the fact that men who are all about thier independence and their ambitions die alone and lonely., albeit with an expensive scotch in their diamond encrusted hands. Life is about choices. Own yours.
I’m just trying to read up on people’s thoughts and experiences with marriage.. This has been a huge help. I have the perfect girl right now..she has the biggest heart, best personalilty, and she’s beautiful.. A true gem. But I still find myself pursuing an independent life where I have nothing to hold me down. I’m 23, and there’s a lot of things I want to accomplish.. My parents divorced, and this may be a cause of my skepticism in marriage, and the root of my theory “I’m not getting married until I’m at least 30″. Not sure what to do… she’s about to slip through my fingers and I can’t decide whether or not to let her go.
Scred..If you don;t like the way your marriage is…change it! Start with you…do the things that you did in the beginning when you fell in love…bring passion back into your marriage.
Too many people put their energies into everything else and have nothing left for their relationships…life isn’t easy..you need to work for what you want.
Good luck.
I have been looking at these sites, trying to come to some formulated opinion about Marriage. I’m married, My wife and I have been married now for 4 years. Our anniversary just passed last week. We tell each other we love each other everyday, but sometimes it feels like it’s said out of common neccesity. We never really talk about anything, we have 3 children. Most of the time it just seems like we have come to the understanding that we JUST hang out for the benefit of the kids. I’m scared, because …. I feel like some type of emerging awareness is happening. Like, this is wrong…. I love my wife dearly, but things between us, come off as… ‘College Roomate ish”
Audrey, having been married 28 1/2 years, and surrounded by friends that are still in their first marriages of 15 years or more….having a pastor that has beein married for 45 years (very happily) I can’t agree with you. Marriage is a commitment and it can be a difficult one at times.
CHris..I agree with you most of the time. There are cases where abuse is an issue.
In my opinion divorce is just a way of backing down from your problems instead of confronting them, people choose to run away and pay good hard earned money to split from the one that they once truley cared for!
We come into this world alone and we leave it alone. We have also become used to having what we what-when we want. So, is it not so unlikely that the person we marry at 20 may not be the kind of person we want to spend our lives with at 30 or 40. Evolving, changing, exploring is a part of our human nature. Some more than others. Relationships are basically selfish, it is the insecure and dependent that stay in bad, destructive or unhappy relationships. I truly believe that the best relationships that last are the ones where both are mature and truly enjoy eachother to the point of sincere caring and the utmost respect. It’s gettiing to this point that takes so many to find it, if ever. Net net – Divorce is likely, Marraige for life is rare. XOXO
Doug,
They key thing is you and I are not “society” today.
Yes, divorce is the norm as are blended families. They go hand in hand.
How long have you been a”Christian”? Which group in the study do you identify yourself?
.
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…and why can’t God change your currently “unequally yoked marriage” if He is Truly Lord of your life?
It might not be “instantaneous”, as a matter of fact most times it isn’t. But why can’t God change it?
Blessings,
Marc
We are called to live in the world (society), but not be of it.
Commitment, marriage covenant and divorce are choices. God calls us to chose life. Sometimes I have to chose to live through a circumstance or situation rather than to chose to “Opt out” of that circumstance. i.e. your marriage.
If you have read the posts Marye & I put out on Marriage Actually a repeated theme is there. Divorce is not an option for us. We have both had reasons to chose it but we have ultimately chosen Divorce is not one of our choices.
I don’t know your complete situation nor can I understand it from your brief comment. I can listen, pray and possibly give godly counsel….
Marc
A good study with accurate results I feel. Society today does place a complacency on divorce. However, I do feel there are some very strong Biblical reasons for divorce, that of infidelity as Christ taught. Don’t take much in my advice, I am a three time loser who can’t seem to pick the right women. Since I have become a Christian I have been locked in an unequally yoked marriage with my wife being a non-christian LDS person (Mormon). This goes way beyond difficult.
Indy,
Interesting thoughts on the study. While I suspect those stats are only the highlights, we should all be careful not to assume facts not in evidence.
I hate that theory – that a lifelong marriage is silly and that you should pick a new partner for each stage. Should we also pick new children for each stage? Brothers and sisters that better suit our changing personalities? What about parents? I can tell you there would be a lot of teenagers making that choice..
As we’ve pointed out at http://indychristian.com/2008/03/new-barna-divorce-stats-tell-different.html Barna’s stats still fall short of reflecting equal-footed comparisons.
Maria,
Such a sad story. :( My sense is that those who may have embraced a “serial” approach to marriage have generally done so our of resignation and not desire. They can no longer envision the possibility of a vibrant, life long relationship, so they opt for what appears to be the best available alternative.
I do not see divorce as “unavoidable” or part of a natural progression, nor does my husband, which is probably why we have a much better relationship than some of our friends. We are committed to open communication and working through difficulties rather than caving when things get tough.
On the other hand– my sister is a serial marrier. She married her first husband not long after her 19th birthday, only to be divorced a year later. Her second marriage also lasted less than a year… after they were really only together a few months because she was deployed to Afghanistan for most of their marriage.