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Autism’s terrible toll: Parents risk hitting “a breaking point” is the headline in today’s Denver Post for a story about 13year-old Jacob Grabe, who was shot by his father, Alex Grabe, early in September. The article notes, and lists “similar chilling stories of sudden parental breakdowns have played out in the U.S. in the past several years,” and mentions Katie McCarron, Ulysses Stable, Kyle Dutter—shot this month by his father—and too many others.
Too many others.
His name was Allen Grabe. Not Alex
1254 days ago
[...] at Icad captures what I felt on reading about the death of 13-year-old Jacob Grabe by his father, Alex Grabe, in September, and in particular the disquietude I felt in reading a [...]
I agree the shooting in Sept was due to financial issues and not autism. So many are using this to show the bad light of autism. It is parents who cannot handle a whole bunch of issues at one time and snap.
I was very puzzled by the timing of this article, the boy was shot in early September and now, in December, we read about the toll of autism. After reading the article and more than 90 comments it was very obvious this was about money. Recently a funding proposition called amendment 51 was voted down in Colorado. It appears that the Autism Society of Colorado followed what every other State Autism Society seems to do in order to raise money; namely use the deaths of innocent children and rhetoric of utter hopelessness to raise “awareness” and subsequently funding.
Predictably, it back fired on the State Autism Society; as it back fired on the Autism Society of Illinois and the Society in Indiana a couple of years ago. In fact even the title of the article, “The Toll of Autism”, was the same as the one used in Illinois at that time.
The comments from readers of the paper did not once mention the boy’s death; they primarily focused on not spending one nickel more on special education. Another frequent theme was parents not wanting autistic children in the same classroom with typical children.
I really feel sorry for the parents of autistic children in the Denver area; being portrayed as ready to “snap” and kill a child because of autism does a very serious disservice to them, in fact to all parents of special needs children.
@Laua,
hoping more than much that the good days continue — I know there will always be struggles and really difficult moments but somehow we’re able to carry on and keep going.
@jess, look forward to your post—-
Saw this article too. Hated it. So great for people with autism knowing “what a drag” they are on their families. Will be blogging about this article.
Agreed. Autism and parents willing to kill their children are two different topics.
Certainly not defending the hideous actions of those listed here, but it got me thinking…
My mom abused me and my sisters in every imaginable way. She was, and remains, very mentally unstable. We also think she might have a form of ASD (not because of the mentally unstable reasons, just as an additional issue – but also that maybe the lack of care and assistance for any ASD or other challenge she had in her childhood might have caused the instability in her adult years) and she was very abused herself as a child. She raised us virtually alone and I cannot imagine the stress, knowing who she is now and all that she is not capable of, in raising three young children, alone. I’m certainly NOT defending her either, but my understanding still remains that mentally unstable (very different from mentally challenged) people are simply, not usually, capable of making choices that respect life, theirs or that of anyone else.
Also, when my daughter with autism was in her first year, between nine months and fifteen months, she almost never slept. She cried, she screamed, she threw up and made herself bleed when left alone to cry, etc. This was all day, and all night – for seven months. No matter how much help I tried to seek out, the doctors said it was me. I was a new mom, it was PPD, etc and that I should just keep on reading the parenting books, following their advice. My daughter kept right on screaming and crying and not sleeping and throwing up. And then there were the medical challenges she experienced that they tried to say were my fault as well, doing virtually nothing to help her get better. Those were very, very dark months and on a number of occasions, I had to call my husband home from work so I could leave because I told him that if I didn’t, I would almost certainly hurt our daughter. I was in a very dark place, desperate and almost alone (no friends or other means of support outside of my husband). Thankfully, my husband had an understanding boss and my daughter began getting help after a good diagnosis of sensory challenges, later autism and finally now, mitochondrial disease for all the medical issues. Thankfully too, I came out of that dark place after getting a little more sleep and perspective and help. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if none of those things had happened. I’m not excusing my inability to completely just stand by my daughter through every single moment and day, or my thoughts either, but I am so grateful my daughter stayed safe from my intense frustration, anger and desperation and SO grateful to be way beyond those kind of dark days for us both – we’re much happier and closer these days, and no matter how little sleep I get, I continue to make choices that will always protect my child before I rage on.
That’s where these parents failed their children so miserably that words fail to describe their horror-filled acts. They acted on what THEY felt, not on what would ultimately and always protect and nurture their children FIRST.
These articles give autism a bad name. Parents who kill their children is the issue, not autism.
Kristina,
I read the article and it seems to me that it isn’t so much about *remembering* the victims of murder is at is about *blaming* them – or their autism.
Seeing Katie McCarron on the list of the “toll” taken on parents was especially disheartening. –Stephen