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“Happy is he who can know the causes of things” (felix qui potuit rerum cognoscere causas)
writes the Roman poet Virgil towards the end of the second book (line 490) of the Georgics, his poem on Roman farming and culture. Virgil is describing the Roman paterfamilias, the father as head of a household, who lives self-sufficiently off the fruits of his own land and his own labors, surrounded by children and family, and far from the madding, huffing crowd.
And happy would be a modern-day materfamilias—a self-titled “autism mom”—to know the causes of autism, a topic she was dismayed not to have seen addressed yesterday on The View special on autism. Indeed, writes Kim Stagliano in Late Night with Autism Mom in today’s Huffington Post:
Rosie O’Donnell refused to ask or allow a single question about cause. Rosie, the queen of confrontation, was afraid to even broach the topic of why is there so much autism in 2007. Who is powerful enough to muzzle Rosie?
Having beheld even the famously abrasive O’Donnell cowed into not noticing “the elephant in the room” (i.e., the all-too-obvious “epidemic” of autism), Stagliano declares that a “media barrage” is underway “designed to soften autism in the mind of the public.” Her examples of how we have “gotten soft” on autism are “studies, books, TV reports” that amount to so many “Stupid Autism Tricks” on a par with the water-skiing squirrel on the David Letterman Show. One such “trick” is the widely disseminated video of Jason McElwain (Stagliano does not refer to him by name) shooting those baskets at the end of a game back in March of 2006. Another is Daniel Tammet, author of Born On a Blue Day; Stagliano describes him as an “engaging man with a rare savant version of autism.”
Stagliano implicitly contrasts these autistic men whose abilities have been trumpeted in the media with her own three daughters, whose crapisodes she has previously recounted. It is all very nice to see an “autistic boy” shooting some baskets” or to see a “soft spoken, quirky man” carefully weighing out his 45 grams of oatmeal for breakfast everyday. But the real autism reality show—what it is really like to live with autism every day; to be the materfamilias of a family of autistic children—is rather a continuous narrative of kaka upon kaka, of bad moments upon tough moments to the point that said materfamilias has “a lot of late (and sleepless) nights,” in the face of such stupidity.
I know what Stagliano is talking about. I do my best to chronicle my family’s version of the “autism reality show” every day over at Autismland; I put up with a lot of stupidity from a public still achingly ignorant about my son’s kaka upon not so obvious disablity. I get the same thrill to see Charlie’s big brown eyes every time I look at him, even on the days that start to verge on “autism tragedy” and certainly on the days when the good times are rolling, and just as when I first caught sight of him, still wet and just delivered, over my drawn-up knees on a hospital bed and wondered, what caused this lovely boy to come to be?
I did not know then that I, too, would become—was already—an autism mom, just as Stagliano is; that we would be writing about this same experience and trying to understand autism, just like the autism father Stagliano refers to (by only his last name) as an anthropologist who “wrote a book in which he seems to refute that there is an autism epidemic at all” (from her wording, I gather that Stagliano has not read Unstrange Minds: Remapping the World of Autism by Roy Grinker; she does not refer to the title either).
I can gather (though I may be wrong; us autism moms are not all alike) from all this that Stagliano feels it necessary to up the ante, not “go soft” on autism, and fight back against the winds of “better diagnosis accounting for the highest prevalence rate of autism in children ever.” Certainly this might be why she makes a self-admitted “petty” remark in saying that she “might have to stop shopping at Anthropologie in protest” of an anthropologist whose argument for why there is no epidemic of autism makes it apparently seem to her (if I may read a little into Stagliano’s wording) that he might as well be from Mars—-an argument that Stagliano considers a “stupid autism trick.” (If it is one, then I guess I may seem to her to be from Mars, too.) “[I]t’s all I’ve got,” writes Stagliano.
Actually, my fellow autism mom, no. You’ve got a lot more: Your family, your children whose story you share with us, your passions and your concerns about understanding autism. I have these too; like the great Roman materfamilias Cornelia, mother of the Gracchi brothers, I would say that my son is my jewel. You’ve got the benefit of living at a time when awareness of autism is at such a peak that autism parents can pose so many dissenting opinions. You’ve got all those new studies, that one new book, too many websites. You’ve got autism in your life, as I do, but your children are not at all invisible, and their lives—-like my son Charlie’s, like that of Isabel, the daughter of the anthropologist—will be much more than they might ever have been even ten or twenty-five years ago. Will be much more happy, whether they know the causes of why they have autism or not.
And I don’t see anything stupid in that.
Interesting reading. I recently viewed the GMA video where Kim was a guest. I thought seeing her with her three girls and holding one and stroking her on the back was really nice, but then she ruined the moment by bringing up google and Jenny McCarthy.
I’m the mom of an autistic child and two typical children and if I have learned anything it;s that everyone of us is different. We can’t lump all autistics together they are so different. My son is a joy and everything they told me he wasn’t the docotrs don’t always know everyhting and love does count my son knows he is loved!!!
1834 days ago
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[...] this is the inevitable result of reading countless articles about the causes of autism: As soon as I heard about the reports of pet food contaminated with melamine from China, I said to [...]
1896 days ago
[...] As you may have noticed over the past few days, or weeks, or months, there have been a few other things to write about regarding autism: cause—-cure—-the autism “epidemic“—-vaccines—-why in the world there is so much autism in New Jersey—-little Katherine McCarron—-the genetics of autism—-disablity and mythology in the ancient world—-legislation for autism in New Jersey—-Sigourney Weaver as an autistic woman—-poetry—-the rhetoric of autism writing—-and a really good book. [...]
1901 days ago
[...] A short spoof from The Onion satirizes the theory that mercury, thimerasol, lead, who knows what chemical agent may be the cause of autism: 202 Chemicals Linked To ADHD, Autism (The Onion, February 23) [...]
1910 days ago
[...] The question raised by the studies in this special issue of the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders that particularly intrigues me is, indeed, the question of whether or not autism is, or is not, “always present (or at least clinically evident) ‘at birth’ as once thought” (9). Here the authors raise the question of causation and suggest that The magnitude of the genetic predisposition, as well as that of the responsiveness to environmental influences, may be associated with various variables such as the number of children already diagnosed with ASD in the family, gender of the child (and, where applicable, also of the older sibling with autism), level of functioning, and parent-child relations. (9) [...]
1910 days ago
[...] A letter by David Safir, M.D., a pediatrician who has been in private practice for more than thirty years, regarding the February 9th USA Today article on Autism estimates increase sharply argues that the “new definition” of “autism spectrum disorder” is “the cause of the apparent increase in numbers.” More from Dr. Safir’s letter: The truth is that experts frequently can’t agree on these children’s diagnoses. Autism spectrum disorder has conveniently lumped them under one large umbrella — fueling what I see as a near-hysteria that there is some sort of epidemic of autism. …………. [...]
Robyn thanks for the information. While I do not think such an environmental agent caused my son to be autistic, autism has definitely become my cause.
At http://www.allergykids.com, we have unearthed previously undisclosed research that suggests that the introduction of genetically modified foods ten years ago has played an enormous role in the number of children with food allergies and autism.
Please contact us at http://www.allergykids.com to learn more or sign up for our free newsletter.
With hope,
Robyn
Founder, AllergyKids
Mother of Four
1.800.671.1525
1923 days ago
[...] Whether about autism, what life with autism is “really” like, or vaccines; or about what really causes autism. ASD, Aspergers, autism, autism spectrum disorder, children, Education, health, mercury, parenting, PDD NOS, schools, vaccinesAdd to: February 2nd, 2007 | Permalink | 2 Comments » [...]
Bravo Kristina! You are a voice of calm reason in this chaos.
Yes! It takes a lot of energy & creativity to take responsibility for one’s life, but I believe that the work put into a positive outlook is worth it. I have come to believe that the root of divergent opinions isn’t the difference between “right” & “wrong”, but in differing outlooks- glass half empty or full, if you like. I keep trying to imagine all of the anger directed toward toward autism (or anything else, for that matter) turned into a positive, creative force & that gives me chills… To quote George in The Yellow Submarine- “It’s all in the mind”.
I am glad that Rosie O’Donnell directed the conversation away from the causes of autism. The causes will not be determined on TV talk shows, if they can be found they will be identified through medical research.
Mr. Kirby feels left out because he was not granted the floor to advertise his book. As a newspaper reporter he has learned that controversy sells and he needs to create a controversy where ever he goes.
Personally, I am fully stocked up on controversy and don’t need any more. The data being used in these “debates” is so flawed and twisted, that it turns the conversation into irrational rants.
The issues that need to be dealt with should center around what can we do today that will improve the lives of children tomorrow. That is worth our energy and thought.
Kristina–what you wrote was absolutely wonderful! Thank you. I was browsing Stagliano’s blog & honestly, I am sickened by it. Thank you for your eloquence.
Thank-you, Kristina – what you’ve written here is wise and beautiful. I really needed to read such words as these today.
Tongue in cheek, but with a weighty load of sarcasm—-that is my reading on Stagliano’s tone—humor so dark, if you will, that the laughs are darker.
That’s my view and dissension is welcome—-even more, though, I was troubled by the tone of dissension in “Late Night with Autism Mom” and, especially, of parents putting down other parents. Of accusations of “stupidity” and of a suggestion that some who have autism in their lives have it “easier” than others—have less suffering. Some may think it is a given that my son “suffers more” because of his minimal language, his struggles to learn academic subjects, and his history of difficult behaviors; that a “high-functioning” child with Asperger’s who is mainstreamed, gets straight A’s, even has a “friend” who will spend some time with her or him, has it “easier.” I think both children have plenty of challenges. Both suffer equally, in different ways, and I think we do ourselves—and autistic persons most of all, and our children in particular—a deep disservice by suggesting anything otherwise.
And that we also do everyone a tremendous disservice by emphasizing so much darkness—so much business in (or not in) the bathroom, to recall Stagliano’s earlier post—-and not seeing all the light shining right before us.
I think having three kids with autism must be so hard, but I don’t think one parent should be comparing her experiences to others, especially by putting down their efforts. That writer has no idea what kind of pain Jason McElwain’s family has experienced, or how serious his symptoms were earlier in life. She has no idea what kind of circumstances Roy Grinker may have faced. We all struggle. She doesn’t appreciate Temment’s struggles and she doesn’t appreciate autism as a spectrum. We all fight. Most of us also suffer. And even those who want to claim that they suffer “more” than others or their kids are more impaired than others should not be glib about others, villify others, and demean those who try to find some reward, and even some beauty, in their autistic children. I was saddened by Kim S.’s post that she feels she has to put so many other people down.
As I understand it…
She wants everyone talking about shit and shots…
and no one talking about strengths.
Forget that. Her daughters aren’t damaged, or broken, they are beautiful. If only they had the fortune to have a mother who would seek out what they excelled in, even in their little way, and celebrated & nurtured the three flowers in her living room, rather than bemoaning carpets and Anrthropologie (really, who can afford to shop there???).
They don’t need fixing, they need nurturing. Nurturing =/= telling the world about their poo.
I know little of Kim’s personal circumstances, although I do know that a lot of what she says is ‘tongue in cheek’ and ‘light’ in style, because the average Joe who’s not that interested in the ins and outs of autism is far more likely to listen to her.
Additionally, 3 girls with autism, I mean THREE. I’m surprised she has a moment [apart from those same late night ones we all share].
The dynamics, energy, versatility of three makes my mind boggle.
Best wishes