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As my little one approaches 14 months old and is not quite so little anymore, I am starting to mourn the baby stage. The newborn days are physically intense yet immensely satisfying to me. As hard as it can be, it is a joy to tend to the needs of a baby (whose every need is reasonable, unlike the occasional demands of a toddler!)
I enjoy the toddler stage too, don’t get me wrong. There’s something to love about every age and stage. At the same time, when each child passes into a new phase, I tend to mourn the old phase as I celebrate the new one.
Photo by Lsianny85
For some people the mourning turns into a sort of baby lust and thoughts turn to expanding the family again. I am not one of those people at the moment (LOL), but I am watching all of my friends decide the size of their families. Yesterday I applauded someone who held a friend’s adorable newborn baby and was still able to say she was happy to stand firm on her decision to have two — and only two — children.
For the record I’ll say that I am happy to have three children. It hasn’t been easy, and I’ve wanted to throttle the people who blithely assured me that the transition from two to three children is easier than the transition from one to two. (Those people either have short memories, different child spacing, or more support than I have had).
I won’t say never to four, but I will say that I am quite happy with three. When I hear others contemplating a third, I never know exactly what to say. I want to tell them it’s incredibly hard (I think particularly so for the attachment parent, but feel free to disagree with me in the comments). Incredibly hard balanced with incredibly amazing. In the end I guess all I wish is that others, should they choose to have three or more, do so with eyes wide open and with plenty of hands-on support from family and friends.
Breastfeeding and Family Size
Breastfeeding helped me transition from one to two children because I tandem nursed. While that took an adjustment period in the beginning, I was very happy to tandem nurse for months afterward. By the time of my third pregnancy, my second child was three and her interest in nursing was low, which meant my milk supply was low too and it became very uncomfortable for me to nurse after the first trimester. There were many times after my third baby was born that I wished I were tandem nursing again though.
All this has got me wondering, how has breastfeeding affected your family size? Did the incredible bonding make you want more children? Did breastfeeding impact your fertility and change the child spacing you might have preferred? Have your feelings on the ideal family size changed over time? How have you and your partner made decisions about family size?
992 days ago
[...] at Breastfeeding 1-2-3 has a thoughtful piece about how breastfeeding affects family planning. I’m far from ready to think about having my next child, but I look forward to the experience [...]
Breastfeeding affected the spacing between my 1st and 2nd children. I’m one of those women who has a difficult time becoming pregnant while nursing, even a few times a day. The result is that my 2nd child was born 3 1/2 years after my first, when I was hoping for my like 2 3/4. In retrospect I am glad at the spacing, because my 1st child was relatively independent by the time that my 2nd arrived.
I often think that having children is a completely illogical choice on some level. It’s a lot of work, and money, and energy. It’s tremendously difficult and you have to make a lot of sacrifices. The good think is that it’s also so immensely rewarding. I try to take the long view when I think about it – these days are relatively short, and like you I mourn each stage when it ends. Now that I’m on my 2nd baby and a little more experienced, I’m doing a better job of milking the good parts of each phase we pass through.
Interesting post. I, too, find myself longing for the newborn nursing experience. Not because I enjoyed it, but because I missed out on most of it (we had complications and it took a LONG time to get him on the breast).
Sadly I can’t say I enjoyed the early days of motherhood. But breastfeeding DOES impact my desire for another child. It seems that when breastfeeding goes normally, it makes for stronger and faster bonding, and a happier baby. I can’t wait to experience that with my next child.
Maybe we’ll even be able to tandem nurse, as you did. I wonder if that might help satisfy what I feel like I missed with my son.