Love & the PPD Dilemma

Over the years, many people have suggested that experienced mothers in constant contact with new mothers – LLL leaders, playgroup volunteers, women’s faith group facilitators, for example – should be trained to recognise the signs of postpartum depression. The idea being that those women could then gather the community, social and medical resources together in order to help the new mother and her family.  I’ve always thought it was a great idea. Until I was in a position to spot a potential case of PPD and had no idea how to broach the subject….

Except, having written this blog for the last 14 months and having read so many articles written about PPD in that time, I have learned how to recognise the signs off PPD both in myself and others.  

Stress can be a motivating factor, but when new mom stress reveals itself in resentfulness, through the meanest of words toward children, spouses, and other family members, when it is coupled with a sense of betrayal and isolation and outward signs of emotional and physical exhaustion, then there is more to it than just stress.

I have been up most of the night. I haven’t been up just because the baby woke up screaming with teething pain, but with the worry that someone I love has PPD. Really, I have no idea what to do about it. Normally, I would ask nosy questions about the use of pre-natal vitamins while nursing and sleep. I would offer to babysit while the mother got the three hour solution or I would take the older children out to play so, at the very least, the poor woman could take a nap with the baby.

The situation is one where neither I, nor anyone else, would be trusted to supervise the children even in the back yard. At the same time, I’m not worried that the children could come to any harm as a result of the possible PPD. My greater worry is that saying something to the mother would set off a chain reaction of a million arguments and observations made in the past and harm our relationship forever.

On the Postpartum Education for Parents site, I found an article about how friends, partners and other family members can help someone they think has PPD. Recommending a doctor’s visit and a support group were on the list of things you can do, but there were two pieces of advice that I am taking to heart:

• Don’t take criticism personally.

And this quote:

• You are justified in being frustrated with her attitude and actions, but be sure to direct your anger at the situation and her illness, not at her.  She is doing the best she can in her current condition.

I feel a lot more prepared to have an honest and open conversation now.