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There is a scripture that says that the power of life and death is in the tongue. It may sound a little weird until you think about the words that were spoken over you that still bring tears to your eyes thirty years later. As parents we must be aware of our words, tones, and body language when it comes to our children.
My granddaughter, Bella, and I bobbing for apples.
We can’t afford to give in to stress, anger and frustration and let loose with our mouths. There are too many kids searching for acceptance because adults can’t control their tongues. To me, there is nothing worse than hearing a mom berate her child in the store. O.k…well, I admit that I hate hearing parents chortling about school starting up again.
” I can’t WAIT until school starts again! These kids are driving me nuts!” , says mom 1 in front of her child
“I know! I need a break!”, says mom 2 in front of her child. Then the two moms smile at each other and go their separate ways.
What have they told their kids? Hey, I don’t like hanging out with you.
How hard is it to be uplifting instead of sarcastic? Here are some phrases that I like to use with my kids:
- That was AMAZING!
- You are incredible. I am so proud of you.
- I believe in you. You can do this!
- I am not sure what you should do, but I know you will make a wise decision.
- I love you.
- YES! WAY TO GO!
- You look gorgeous
- I can tell you have been working out – those shoulder muscles are developing nicely.
- I forgive you
- I am sorry, I was wrong
- I love you but I am angry right now. Can we talk about this in a little while when I calm down?
The point is that my kids are going to find acceptance some where. It is largely my choice whether they find it in a healthy way or not. By using words of affirmation rather than being critical I can build rather than destroy. It is my thought that the quickest and most effective way to change the world is to produce healthy, compassionate, well adjusted children who grow into ethical, caring, well adjusted adults.
Can anyone ever say I love you or I am proud of you too much? I think not.
image: marye audet
I SO agree with you! I think the last one, “I love you but I’m angry right now…” is very effective and important to remember. I’ve worked hard to teach my children that, yes, there are times when I’m tired/depressed/stressed and they’ve pushed my button the wrong way one time too many, but it’s OK, I still love you, just let me cool off and we’ll talk about it in a little while. Equally important, especially as the children grow into teens, remember that it works both ways. When you’ve raised your children to understand that being upset is human, natural, and doesn’t change how much you love them, I believe it helps teach them how to handle those emotions and situations as they grow.
And oh my gosh, YES does it bother the hound out of me when I hear mother’s talking about how glad they are when school starts, almost as much as when they see me with my five and say, “How can you handle it?” Um, because I love my children and enjoy being with them!! :)