Write It Down!

One of the most important things my mom has taught me, is the art of organizing life on a calender. She once said to me that she never had to remember anything, it was written down. This sounds flippant, but it is true in her case. She has a monthly calender with all her medications written on there, including times to take and check marks when she actually takes them. Her dog also has the same thing. She uses colors to designate things upcoming, things gone past, due dates and mailing dates-to take into consideration mailing times.

I used to think that her calender life was over the top, until one day I heard her talking to herself, saying she had better write down that she took her pills or she would wonder if she had imagined it. Now I see her calender writing as a way for her to reassure herself that she was ok. It truly gives me a glimpse into a woman who is feeling afraid and uncertain. She had spent 65 years with someone who was military in all senses of the word. They ate and moved throughout the day on a rigid time. To the minute, they had breakfast, took their vitamins, did the dishes, wiped the counters, showered, read the paper, took out the dog…you get the picture. Now, she is not tied to that schedule and instead of being freeing, it is terrifying. I suppose my lifestyle as farmer family, always flexible and usually rowdy, doesn’t help her sense of comfort.

I never thought I would get angry at her. My husband and I have been married for 10 years, and she was always such a wonderful mother in law. I call her mom, love her to death, relied on her for a little bit of woman time, and a way to talk about those darn men. Now it is just so hard. I feel guilty for feeling angry and then that makes me angry all over again. It is a good thing that I have always been a writer. That way, I can excuse myself from the frustrating situation and just go blog about it. I wish my mom had that luxury. I bet she could schedule it in, on her calender.