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I received an email last week from a mom seeking help, and I thought I’d open it up to the Supernanny Rules community. Her question:
I watched one of your programs where the parents were dealing with children who were aggressive. A young boy was a biter and the other children hit their mother.
My daughter is a biter. In other ways she’s a jewel of a kid. My husband and I do not exhibit aggressive behavior in front of her and the only TV she watches is Noggin — no commercials. Everything I’ve read says that 65% of toddlers bite, hit or pinch. That to me is very high. I need information so that I can help her. It’s affecting her schooling. When will she pass this phase?
So, what do you think? What advice and experience can we offer a fellow parent? Please leave a comment.
For my part, none of our children have been major biters. That said, my 2-year old can get physical; pushing mostly. Reading up on the topic made me think: Attention. This is an attention getting technique, because we never fail to respond when he pushes his sister (who screams like a banshee) or baby brother.
There are two steps to deal with attention-driven misbehavior. First, minimize the attention given when the bad behavior occurs. Separate the children. Give a firm, “No!” Perhaps a trip to the Naughty Spot. But, nothing extended, nothing that rewards the bad behavior. (Remember: For a small child almost any attention is good attention.)
Second, give positive attention elsewhere. If the child is feeling neglected and acting up to get additional attention, then make time to give positive attention when the child isn’t misbehaving. Feed the need in a healthy way, and the child will be less inclined to act out.
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I think i’ll go for the hot sauce technique and see how it goes. My daughter is an angel…most of the time. she’s almost 2 and gets frustrated pretty easily, and she’s an expert at pinching and biting and slapping either when she’s mad or she gets a ‘No’. my husband and i have never touched her and we have no idea where she learned this from. she’s only aggressive to me, maybe because we spend so much time together. i haven’t been able to control this behaviour and it has been going on for quite a while.
1912 days ago
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Thanks for the good advice, everyone. Fair warning with the hot sauce: It doesn’t work with every kid. You might just have one who likes the spicy stuff. ;)
great pieces of advice here. i think it’s a phase all kids go through, some shorter than the others. it may be a manifestation of frustration, too. my son stopped such seemingly agressive behaviors when he started being able to converse and voice out what he wanted. i then encouraged him to talk, and channel his energy on thinking and stringing words together, instead of hitting, biting, or even crying.
My little girl went through an ugly biting spell at 16 months as well. She would bite me on the shoulder and kept biting the little boy at the sitter. Since I watch them and they always get along, I knew he was just getting in her space and not doing anything to be mean. The only time she would bite me was if I told her no or corrected her. When she would look like she was about to bite me, I would hold her tight and tell her not to bite me. If she did anyway, I would pop her lightly on the diaper. I made sure the babysitter did the same thing. Nothing hard enough to hurt of course. Just enough to get her attention. Always make sure to hug and love on them afterwards so they know you love them very much. It only took a couple of times and she stopped. The hotsauce idea is a good one too. Alot of my friends have used this method and it works. Be careful though as the little one could have a severe reaction.
As the mom of twin biters, I had to get creative in how to get them to stop! They were beginning to look as though they came from a very abusive home with all the bruising and bite marks.
What I did is I placed hot sauce in little medicine cups around the house. When one would bite, I’d dip the very tip of my finger in the hot sauce and swipe their tongue with it.
It put a stop to the biting real quick, but to this day the kids love hot spicy foods.
It worked for swearing and backtalking too!
seven incidents with the same boy… hmm, maybe you should ask around why. I agree with Cory to shower her with positive attention, but also use a time when she’s in a mood to talk (and not in a biting mood), to ask deeper questions about why she’s biting. was she biting the other boy when provoked maybe? she might need attention or this might be her way of fighting back if the cause is provocation.